


lucky i'm in love (with my best friend)

by sujiverse



Category: IZONE, Produce 48 (TV)
Genre: F/F, and the other girls, stan izone, this is me projecting my crush on kim chaewon into fiction, woollim girls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-06 01:10:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15875406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sujiverse/pseuds/sujiverse
Summary: chaewon is breathtaking, and suyoon is at best, a hot mess, and at worst, a mess.or, the one where suyoon has a lot of feelings about things.





	lucky i'm in love (with my best friend)

**Author's Note:**

> as i said this is literally a manifestation of my crush on kim chaewon in the form of suyoon so... conclusion: woollim girls are the cutest and we should all stan. p.s. watch suyoon and chaewon's hidden box/ karaoke for context!
> 
> edit: changed all instances of "minju" to "minjoo" since that's how she prefers her name to be spelt!

after a day's worth of filming suyoon comes to three conclusions: 

 

  1. she's probably getting eliminated the next round. 
  2. and she's okay with it.
  3. also, she might be in love with kim chaewon.



 

somehow the first two statements don't bother her as much as the last one does. she knew from the start she wasn't going to make it far. furthermore, she needs more time to hone her skills. this break just might do her good.

 

but the chaewon thing... it might haunt her forever if they debut together back at woollim. accidentally confessing your romantic love for your bandmate on national television might just be career suicide, and never does she want it to happen.

 

this is not good.

 

it all started a few weeks back, when she was informed that they were supposed to film a short little clip for the pr team. something about singing karaoke with a partner of your choice and another about a placing your hand into a box without knowing what's inside. a few others she had to do on her own, but these ones she had chaewon do with her. it was natural, and the pr team didn't even bother sorting them elsewhere for maximum drama. it was peaceful.

 

just, not for her inner peace.

 

she laughs easily, and heartily, like what everyone has been telling her from birth. but nothing prepared her for this much unbridled joy just from watching chaewon. from the way she sang her heart out during the chorus of "love scenario", or the humourous way she spoke the lyrics instead of rapping them, to every single one of her effortlessly cute facial expressions. it's like she was born to be an idol. it was so much fun to watch her do even the simplest of things.

 

she, on the other hand, might need to put in a little more effort. absolutely doing the best she could apparently wasn't enough for the on-site voters, and she can't lie and say it was alright to see herself garner a whole 12 votes for a performance she practised so hard to put up.

 

(but who is she to judge them? those same voters had enough taste to give chaewon over a hundred votes, so...)

 

anyways, where was she?

 

right, being in love with her own damn labelmate.

 

it wasn't a big revelation or anything. she's been aware of her own feelings around chaewon the past year, training in the same company: how she could never say no to her, how she makes her laugh way too easily, and how her heart clenches every time someone chides chaewon for not being good enough. and today, she just realised it naturally.

 

naturally, meaning this: juri complaining about how mako spends too much time with yena and sihyun, and not with her anymore. goeun asking if she's "in love with her or something" and juri freezing up, replying, "oh my god, i thought i hated her for ignoring me but it's only because," cue dramatic pause and then in perfect korean, "i've just been in love with her this whole time." that made HER freeze up and contemplate her entire life from where she was sitting a few seats away and voila, a realisation was made. just like that.

 

it might just be a harmless crush. no big deal about that right? minjoo tells her about her own crush on her close friend, and tells her it's alright. she might get over it, and all will be well.

 

her final conclusion? chaewon is pretty, she's going home soon, and maybe, just maybe, she doesn't hate this life that much.

 

* * *

 

 

okay, maybe calling it a crush was over-simplifying it.

 

she's been thinking about it since the filming of the elimination episode.

 

how do you then describe wanting to hold someone's hand, take her to a park and just listen to her sing for the rest of your life?

 

"so you wanna wife her up, is that what you're trying to say?" hyunah asks her.

 

"n-no! what the hell?" suyoon chokes on the sip of water she was taking. "i'm seventeen, i'm too young. it's a... crush."

 

there's that word again.

 

"i can't fault you though, you chose the prettiest girl out of 96 trainees to have a crush on. and your own labelmate, of all people. that's guts if i dare say so myself," hyunah shoots her a wink, which makes them both dissolve into fits of laughter and mainly suyoon hitting her for being so irritatingly smug.

 

still, she gets nothing out of talking to her. perhaps confiding in hyunah, resident lesbian jesus, wasn't that great of an idea, but it's still better than having to talk to kwon eunbi about these things.

 

(god, eunbi would probably keep her, chaewon and sohee in the woollim dungeon and never let them out. sometimes she takes "endearing yet threatening" motherly behaviour too far. suyoon shudders at the thought.)

 

she enjoys the last few minutes of her break, spending most of it flicking haeun's braids and getting a whine out of their youngest trainee. she's cute, but not as cute as...

 

"alright team, time to go once again from the top!" eunchae says rather loudly, snapping her out of her reverie.

 

time to practice.

 

* * *

 

 

sohee finds her during one of her breaks. "merry chri" seems to be finishing up their practice already, and according to her it's just haeyoon and haesol left rearranging the last parts of the song. her own team is all done preparing for their first evaluation with the mentors, so they take breaks more liberally. they had spent less than half an hour sleeping for each day since they got "instruction" as their song, and eunchae didn't even blink when chiyori asked to be excused for a nap. it is 4 in the morning after all, the only people awake in the entirety of korea were probably just them.

 

sohee, as sweet and as precious she is, is not who she wants to truly see. but she still is good company, and she would never reject sohee's requests. even if it meant walking down to the basement for a cup of tea from the vending machine. after it all, she sends her youngest labelmate back to the vocal room where haeyoon is huddled under a pile of blankets in.

 

her break still isn't over, and she ponders over what else there is to do to unwind before she has to go back to practising. that's when she stumbles across the sign that read "into the new world", realising that she had nearly forgetten that the other vocal teams practiced on the same level.

 

should she enter? is it rude? what if they were practising? she should get something? stumbling in empty-handed wouldn't be good. besides, chaewon always liked a hot drink when she was singing.

 

before she knew it, she was turning to leave, and the door to the room she had been pacing outside of opens.

 

it's moe.

 

"oh, suyoon-chan? chaewon... sleeping!" moe tries to communicate to her through korean to the best of her abilities that chaewon is sleeping in one of the other practice rooms. were they were so inseparable that people automatically assumed they were looking for each other? she also catches herself wondering if moe knows anything about what she actually feels for the girl, but that's besides the point. no one else needs to know.

 

they exchange some small talk about practice, about sleeping and about chaewon. moe shoots her a knowing wink and points her in the right direction, and maybe, even if no one needed to know, they all already did.

 

but she goes in the opposite direction. tea first, then chaewon.

 

* * *

 

 

of course chaewon picked the room closest to the washroom. her bangs don't necessarily bother her, and neither does her makeup, but anyone and their mothers can see the effort she puts into looking good, effortlessly.

 

the lights were turned on, probably out of covenience to everyone else who assumed the room was empty. and there she was, hugging a flimsy jacket, lying down pressed up against the wall. the vocal rooms look like jail cells, she can't help but think, and chaewon must be in jail for exceeding the legal limit for, um, beauty.

 

her neck would probably be sore from sleeping like that, she thinks. the girl doesn't even stir when suyoon takes a seat next to her. she places the tea far away from her reach so she doesn't spill it, and looks for a way to get chaewon into a more comfortable position.

 

she settles with lying next to her in the opposite direction, an arm placed with utmost care under her head.

 

it's moment like these with her eyes closed, hair down and makeup off, that suyoon really thinks that chaewon is the prettiest girl she's ever met. she had looked like that the first time they met, around a year ago, when she was fumbling and bumbling her way around woollim trying to find her way to the conference room and eventually being led there by this same, kind face and bright eyes. the other trainees might have picked yiren or minjoo as the visuals of this season, and though she must acknowledge that they are breath-takingly beautiful, to her chaewon will always be first.

 

the same brown eyes she loved seeing open and meet hers.

 

"oh shit i'm so sorry if i woke you," she apologises first, concerned.

 

chaewon just smiles, shaking her head. oh god, suyoon just wants to hold her and never let go.

 

but chaewon does it first- stretching her arms out for suyoon. and she doesn't need to be told twice. suyoon gets up and lies down, now in the right orientation, and gets pulled into a hug.

 

or what a hug could be when two people are both lying on the ground, and one is very stuck to the wall behind her. they giggle softly, like they always do with each other, because nobody but chaewon can make a hardass bitch like her feel soft!

 

she's kidding, obviously.

 

chaewon falls asleep in her arms wordlessly, their legs tangled together even though hers are infinitely longer, and she too finds a position comfortable enough to drift into slumber.

 

* * *

 

 

"hey! mnet said 'no unnecessary skinship allowed', tsk tsk," a shrill voice echoes.

 

even in her dreams she just had to be taunted by mnet, didn't she?

 

"wah, these woollim unnies really," another screechy voice replies. "what do we call this, hm, as miss choi yena herself once said, 'gay rights!'"

 

oh, she's not in her dreams.

 

"oh wonyoung, you're gonna have to erase that from your footage."

 

"oh, right."

 

it seems chaewon is just as confused as she is by the commotion. she tilts her head up to find two of the three unholy trinity members looking down at them, a handheld camera sneering in their faces.

 

"welcome to ahn yujin cam! good morning my favourite woollim unnies... wait, don't tell eunbi unnie i said that," yujin's voice radiates energy, and suyoon can't help but feel awakened.

 

chaewon suddenly jolts away from her grasp, and she can't help but think it's because of the presence of the two new girls. she has to stop herself from feeling disappointed.

 

"what time is it?" chaewon asks to no one in particular. her eyes squint at how bright the room is.

 

(what the heck? she doesn't even look disheveled or anything!)

 

wonyoung checks the little timer on her camcorder that tells her with a straight face it's 25 o' clock, before yujin guffaws and shoves her into the nearest wall for reading the duration of the video like it was the time. wonyoung has to gather herself before realising her mistake, and then slamming yujin into the other wall, laughing even louder.

 

"oh god, y'all are actual children," suyoon rubs her eyes and reaches for the camcorder, which yujin gleefully hands her.

 

"it's 7am," she reports. chaewon looks like she's processing the information, before screaming in realisation that her group probably practised all night without her, the leader.

 

"relax, they're all sleeping," yujin says, oddly calm. she takes the camcorder back. "we took a video of all the trainees sleeping peacefully in their practice rooms since we were free and had to do the camcorder task anyway. ooh, i hope this one goes viral."

 

"you can go back to sleep, unnies. also chaewon unnie, yunjin unnie said she'll come wake you up when they need you."

 

"really?" her morning voice is slightly hoarse, and she speaks slower than usual. it makes suyoon feel like dying.

 

"yes, wonyoung never lies. i can attest to that. so go back to cuddling!"

 

"remember that we love and support you no matter what!"

 

"i'll probably have to cut out some parts of this video but still, cutest thing i've seen."

 

"gay rights!"

 

they were both gone in a jiffy, and suyoon, now sitting up straight, stays in her position dazedly.

 

"what just happened?"

 

chaewon laughs at how confused she probably looks, and tackles her from behind. they reassemble back together like tetris pieces, fitting together nicely and comfortably. there probably isn't a better feeling than this, suyoon thinks.

 

could they be, dare she say, made for each other? by the way chaewon snuggles impossibly closer to her, maybe she feels that way too.

 

"five more minutes, then we'll go practice. okay?"

 

"okay," she hurriedly adds. "maybe okay will be our always."

 

"did you just quote john green to me?" chaewon acts absolutely disgusted by suyoon's normie tendencies.

 

"and what about it?"

 

"you're lucky you're cute, kim suyoon."

 

she ignores how wide her smile gets and how hard it is to stifle a giggle. chaewon notices, and just breaks out the cutest smile ever.

 

she positively just dies inside. and she dies again inside when they wake up, an hour later than intended.

 

* * *

 

 

"why does eunbi unnie look like she wants to skin you alive?" minjoo comments.

 

suyoon chokes on the piece of meat that is halfway down her throat, head shooting up to meet the eyes of her leader making her way across the cafeteria, staring at her.

 

"i may or may not have woken up late and caused my whole team to ugly cry thinking i had gone missing. it was mostly haeun and chiyori," she explains. "to be fair, hyunah unnie knew where i was and just sat there and watched everything unfold. totally not my fault- oh hi eunbi unnie!"

 

yuri snickers from across the table, exchanging smirks with minjoo as eunbi nags at her for being a cause of everyone's concern, even though _to be fair it's not even your fault but still you're a woollim trainee and i have to keep you in check, are you feeling alright did you sleep well? do you want more food? how can you eat so little for lunch?!_

 

"i'm fine mum, geez," she says playfully. eunbi takes offence to that, not to her being called mum but how she was called mum like how a rebellious child would address their parents. suyoon gets a knock on the head, and she flinches from the pain inflicted.

 

"i'm gonna go find the other girls. also, kim suyoon! have some respect for your mother," eunbi tells her, equally if not more cheekily than her. like the ingrained leader she is she checks in on both minjoo and yuri, and finally leaves when they all tell her that they're fine mum, geez.

 

eunbi makes her way across the cafeteria to where sohee is sitting with the other girls her age, who are mostly japanese trainees. when they all give her a thumbs up she walks over to where chaewon is sitting with nako and yunjin, presumably to ask if they need anything as well. a true motherly figure indeed.

 

her eyes unknowingly find chaewon's, and she gives her a small wave and a toothy smile. chaewon waves back with a smile of her own, one that reaches her eyes. she looks away momentarily to say something to eunbi, and then turns back to mouth something at her.

 

_wanna go somewhere else?_

 

 _where? let me finish my food._ she mouths back, adding in actions like how she would when conversing with the foreign trainees.

 

_let's go to the woof shop._

 

the woof shop? okay maybe she didn't get that last sentence as accurately as she would like.

 

she's a few moments away from stuffing her face with all the rice she has left and heading over, before she realises that yuri and minjoo are looking at her funny.

 

"what?" she asks innocently.

 

her friends shake their heads simultaneously, sighing. "whipped," yuri says.

 

"super whipped," minjoo supplies helpfully. "are you gonna do anything about it?"

 

"what? how do you guys even get- i'm not... whipped? she's my friend and i..." suyoon stutters incoherently, and her two friends burst out in laughter. "fine, okay? it's not funny to be-" she lowers her voice and bends forward, making sure no one else can hear her. "-crushing on my own future bandmate! like, what if i confess my feelings on national television by ACCIDENT, that's horrifying!"

 

"oh man this is hilarious. "suyoon energy" is a myth. you're more like "suyoon dumb bitch energy"," yuri adds. "you haven't debuted yet, now's your damn chance to do something before every aspect of your personal life gets scrutinised and judged."

 

minjoo nods in agreement. suyoon begins to question the sanity of her friends, and continues to dig into her food. they both move on to talk about other things, and somehow she manages to drown it out by looking straight ahead at chaewon.

 

chaewon's done with her food already. with nako beside her, head on her shoulder, chaewon looks like a giant even though she's anything but. suyoon watches curiously as the pair communicate in half-korean, half-body language, and she clearly makes a comment about nako being cute. it's precious. nako is precious. chaewon is precious, and also, looking at her expectantly. that's her cue to leave.

 

she gets up, bids a hurried farewell to her friends and bolts for the exit, vehemently ignoring any catcalling and "go get her tiger!"s coming from them. chaewon follows shortly behind her, and they exit the cafeteria with a few pairs of curious eyes stalking them, but nothing more.

 

chaewon's small hands reach for hers, and she lets herself get tugged along to the tunes of their giggling.

 

* * *

 

 

turns out 'woof shop' really meant 'roof top', and now suyoon is questioning everything she has ever had to lip-read.

 

the door gives way easily, as it did the last two times they were here. the summer sun shimmers brightly above them, but a cool breeze blows with how high up above the building they are. she closes her eyes slightly, enjoying the feeling of the wind, spreading her arms slightly. she knows chaewon is doing the same thing. god knows how many times they've snuck onto the woollim roof. at least this building gave them an easier time. (mnet clearly didn't have enough budget to maintain the locks to the roof top.)

 

"i really am going to miss this," suyoon sighs.

 

"what, the show?" chaewon asks incredulously. "are you gonna miss the evil editing as well?"

 

"jokes on you because i haven't been evil edited," her smile falters as she continues her sentence, in part-horror. "oh my god, i haven't been evil edited _yet_."

 

chaewon has the nerve to laugh at her. "no one could make you look evil. don't even worry about it. the worse they could do is clown you about _su-yoon-e-ner-gy_."

 

she sings the last part strangely off-key, obviously mocking the way suyoon does it.

 

"whatever, i'm gonna leave this show before they have the chance to make up my villain origin story anyway."

 

the air seems to still around them, even though the wind is still clearly blowing. she feels her ears grow hot. (in what, embarrassment? for not being able to make it that far? or for whatever reason, being happy that she won't?)

 

"you can't say that," chaewon replies, seemingly eons later. her voice is soft, like she wants to make a confession, but is too shy too. yet, her tone is laced with both resignation and concern. "we'll be okay."

 

she says it like she wants her to be happy, and like she knows suyoon will be eliminated, that she knows suyoon knows, and that she's promising that she will come back to them- her and sohee, after it all.

 

she doesn't know how she understood all that from just a few words, but she did.

 

suyoon watches chaewon avert her eyes and walk away to lean against the railings. her own lips curl into a smile, a feeling familiar to her.

 

this whole thing- eliminations and whatnot- is bullshit, she thinks. a ranking system is bullshit, and a show that captitalises on the dreams of hundreds of girls and uses it for profit, under the guise of bringing them public attention is bullshit. but believe or not, she's still glad it exists.

 

(because without it she wouldn't have met all these extraordinary, strong girls. and she also wouldn't be here, on the best rooftop she could have asked for from a dingy, old dormitory.)

 

and she probably wouldn't have had the courage to do this: she strolls over to where chaewon is deep in thought, wraps her arms around her waist from behind, and draws her back into herself. chaewon detaches from the railings, hands automatically finding hers, and they press impossibly closer to each other.

 

"you know-"

 

"i know," chaewon replies assertively.

 

"you didn't even hear what i was going to say!"

 

"i know what you were going to say. don't say it."

 

she can't see her face, but she assumes chaewon is adamant about this.

 

"i'm going to be eliminated-"

 

"i said don't say it!" she pulls away from her grasp, and she can't help but think it's a familiar feeling as well. her heart drops when she realises what she'd done.

 

chaewon sniffles (she never sniffles, even when she cries it's quiet, and tears just flow down her face beautifully. yes, chaewon is the obnoxious kind of person that looks pretty when they cry. figures.). suyoon tries not to giggle at the thought, but it's hard. she lets out a tiny snort, and chaewon hits her on the arm, still crying but now with a slight smile on her face.

 

they hug, now face-to-face (or face-to-chest really, because they have a height difference that makes them look cute, apparently), and chaewon rambles and mumbles into her shirt about something along the lines of "you're really leaving me alone with eunbi unnie" and "that's so mean i don't want you to go" and "who will i come to the woof shop with".

 

(rooftop. she meant rooftop. suyoon just cannot unhear woof shop. mistakes were made.)

 

"who knows, you might get eliminated too," suyoon jokes, and chaewon whines loudly into her chest. "alright, alright i yield. princess chaewon will rise in the ranks and make it all the way! and that is not a lie."

 

(she believes it wholeheartedly, and maybe of she says it more often, chaewon would start believing in herself too.)

 

"i'd much rather have my debut be made with you though," chaewon detaches slightly from her to make sure she's heard. "just so you know."

 

chaewon's eyes undeniably sparkle under the sunlight. she's so mesmerised by them that it's hard to look away, and it skips her mind that she's supposed to reply ro whatever chaewon just said.

 

which was... what again?

 

there's a slight pause when chaewon stops wiggling in her arms, looks up at her, and she only feels fingertips tracing down to interlink their hands together.

 

"i kind of want to-"

 

suyoon takes a small, tentative step forward.

 

"i know."

 

"oh, you know?" an amused smile plays at chaewon's lips.

 

the door creaks open loudly and eunbi's voice snaps them back into reality way harsher than it should have. they both jump away from each other, only breathing sighs of relief when they realise it's just their leader. apparently it's already time for them to go get ready for the recording.

 

* * *

 

 

suyoon does get eliminated. it hurt to see her entire team get eliminated with her, but she can't say she didn't expect it. still, expecting it didn't make it hurt any less. she cries hard into eunbi's shoulder and hugs her even tighter after chaewon's name gets called, even though the girl in question doesn't even smile once after she gets called as fifteen place.

 

fifteen place. her highest rank yet. suyoon doesn't stop smiling after her tears have dried.

 

when lee seunggi announces that eunbi is in fifth place, and she smiles even wider. her friends made it.

 

that night, she leaves the compound with her luggage in one hand, sohee in the other, and a lifted spirit.

 

she knows she'll be okay. she knows they'll all be okay.

 

* * *

 

 

eunbi and chaewon get some free time in between recording days, so naturally, they plan for a meet-up. things don't work out though, with eunbi having to meet with higher management and sohee having class for that sword-wielding sport she can't ever seem to remember the name of.

 

that leaves just her and chaewon, again. she hasn't forgotten what almost happened between them the last time they were left alone. truthfully, she doesn't quite believe that it even happened.

 

but by any off-chance that she had recalled the incident correctly...

 

no. she won't allow herself to hope.

 

* * *

 

 

of course chaewon chooses a rooftop cafe. the girl is obssessed with rooftops and cafes. she should have known.

 

the place is decorated with dried flowers and its pastel pink aesthetic is both calming and uplifting. everything reminds her too much of princesses, and too much of chaewon.

 

she arrives in a little cute denim dress over a white shirt, and however casual it is, suyoon still thinks she's the closest the country has ever gotten to having a princess. they greet each other with a hug that's not awkward and incredibly comfortable, as it has always been.

 

they order their food, and talk.

 

of course they have to talk about the show. it's always about the show. chaewon talks about how she finds being the center this time round pressurising and new, and suyoon just listens. she asks about minjoo and yuri and how they're doing, and chaewon tells her with a tiny grimace on her face that they may or may not have shifted minjoo to another team, to which suyoon assures her that minjoo will be fine, and she might do even better elsewhere.

 

"yeah, i thought she would be able to outshine others in another team. we do have nako..."

 

"and you," suyoon teases. "you're saying she couldn't have outshone you?"

 

"hey! no, i did not say that do not put words in my mouth. i didn't survive this far just to get evil edited not by mnet but by you," chaewon replies with a tone that hints both of fairies, and cold-blooded murder. sort of. suyoon smiles deviously at the thought if chaewon actually harbouring any ill intention. she literally wouldn't even hurt a fly.

 

_("KILL IT UNNIE I SWEAR PLEASE."_

 

_"no, eunbi unnie don't! it's a life," chaewon says, picking up a piece of paper to lightly pick up the half-dead roach._

 

_"oh my god, i can't believe you."_

 

_"all life is sacred, kim suyoon," replied chaewon, carefully blowing the roach off the paper and out of the window.)_

 

they talk, more about the people they miss. suyoon tells her about a group chat with team instruction that wang ke created and how haeun has been spamming it with clips of themselves and memes, and chaewon reports about whose rank has dropped and whose hasn't. one thing is clear though: chaewon doesn't seem to be worried about anything.

 

"i mean, if i get in, i get the opportunity of a lifetime. so that's amazing. but if i drop out, for reasons that really aren't in my control- namely the number of votes and my screentime- then it doesn't matter. i have you to go back too. and sohee. and we'll wait for eunbi unnie together."

 

"you can't say that! you're still on the show," suyoon replies, somewhat angry. "i feel like you should be putting in like all your effort to debut there."

 

"i am! i volunteered to be center, didn't i? just like you did," she retorts, voice slightly higher than usual. oh shit. chaewon never raises her voice.

 

"soyoon unnie left, you know."

 

the implication behind suyoon's words are clear. their debut as a woollim girl group is less assured than ever.

 

"did you really not expect it when she rejected the opportunity to come on this show?"

 

a pause. suyoon blinks.

 

"how the heck do you know everything?"

 

chaewon waves her hands dismissively, and continues. "i'm trying my best. and if it doesn't work out, i really have no one else to blame. i know i'm doing my best."

 

suyoon stays looking slightly mad, so chaewon reaches over to hold one of her hands. "trust me?"

 

(it takes a lot of energy to restrain yourself from sputtering, suyoon realises.)

 

"you know i do," she grumbles into a mouthful of food, looking as angry as maybe, a kicked puppy. chaewon laughs, and it's still the purest thing in the world.

 

"so when i do get eliminated, you have to promise not to feel sad."

 

another pause. another hard blink.

 

"can i at least cry?"

 

* * *

 

 

chaewon makes the cut. her name was called first at 19th place. suyoon rejoices with sohee in her living room, while her mum makes them a salad bowl "in celebration of your beautiful unnie getting into the finale".

 

eunbi barely makes the top twelve, but they know she'll make it happen. eunbi always does.

 

she cries anyway, out of happiness. so, so much happiness.

 

* * *

 

 

the finale comes faster than expected, and she's overjoyed to finally see herself in the same uniform as her friends again. minjoo and yuri seem happy to see her, and instruction team is just glad for a reunion. she even manages to find and catch up with yunjin.

 

in between rehearsals with all 96 trainees present, her eternal partner sohee runs off somewhere to talk to some other kids, and she's left alone. it's nice to catch a breather, but after a while, it gets way too awkward. her eyes scan the crowd for anyone she might know, but she can't find a single person who isn't already engaged with conversation with somebody else.

 

that's until chaewon scares the shit out of her by blowing into her ear, for some reason.

 

"oh my GOD."

 

"my name is kim chaewon, but sure."

 

she is smiling too widely for someone who claimed that they weren't going to make the cut. suyoon likes it.

 

"you're so dumb," she jeers back, smiling. "you were great on stage."

 

"thanks, even though i know you're lying because i'm in the last row and being obscured by giants."

 

suyoon winces. "oh shit, wonyoung and yujin both?"

 

"so you weren't watching me close enough to know that? knew it."

 

suyoon is speechless that chaewon had taken her compliment as an opportunity to clown her, but then again, she would let chaewon do anything she wanted. so she lets her jaw drop, shakes her head and rolls her eyes, a surefire combination to make her giggle.

 

(and it does, so now they're both happy.)

 

sohee comes running back soon enough with none other than eunbi in tow, and they jump around together like the kids they are, and the kid-at-heart eunbi truly is.

 

the woollim family, suyoon thinks. _her woollim family._

 

* * *

 

 

the next day is a massive cryfest. she expected maybe a few tears after getting off her last ever stage with some of her friends, and she expected a few other tears for when her friends get to debut but... not this.

 

not how rankings haven't been announced, and she's already filled up three buckets of tears reading a letter she sent herself from 100 days ago, hearing sohee's sobs, and watching yamada freaking noe bawl her eyes out. no, she was not expecting this.

 

she makes eye contact with chaewon during the last stage. it's a beautiful song being sung by a beautiful girl, and suyoon feels it again. the most cliche feeling in the world- the one people write about in their songs for their first loves and the same feeling bella swan probably felt when she met edward cullen for the first time. you know, butterflies in her stomach and all that.

 

(she almost hears chaewon screeching at her "normie tendencies".)

 

it is the most cliche feeling in the world. she flashes a million-dollar smile.

 

chaewon gleams back while all the trainees around her have tear-stained cheeks. she sings her line, does it perfectly, and suyoon has to restrain herself from clapping in that instant.

 

* * *

 

 

chaewon at 19th means that she had no realistic hope of getting in, but obviously her fans had other plans. suyoon is almost assured of her debut at this point, but she can't help but manifest some ugly form of growing doubt in the deepest parts of her heart.

 

"i'm nervous as hell," sohee says, voice low. suyoon sees her fingertips going white from clasping that eunbi banner a bit too tightly.

 

"don't worry," suyoon asserts, for both sohee and herself. "they'll be okay."

 

 _"we'll be okay."_ she hears chaewon's voice echoing in her head from that little rooftop getaway they had so many weeks ago.

 

"we'll be okay."

 

* * *

 

 

minjoo gets called first, and chaewon second. suyoon loses her voice crying. she doesn't even make it to eunbi before her makeup is ruined, but she really couldn't care less. yuri's on top at third, and getting to debut with her absolute best friend in yena, and she feels so incredibly happy for them.

 

when they're announcing the twelfth place chaewon looks over to them, sending smiles and hearts, unable to look for longer than a second before having to wipe her eyes.

 

she's still a damn pretty crier.

 

the crowd roars as chaeyeon's name is called, and suyoon somehow, sobs even harder.

 

* * *

 

 

she watches quietly as moe, haeyoon and doah all take turns to congratulate chaewon. they're all smiling incredibly wide, and it seems they all have no tears left to cry.

 

finally, chaewon seems to be free, and she turns to face her, like she'd known she was there all along. the words don't come easy, and probably wouldn't suffice either.

 

so... no congratulations, no tears, just a small smile and a tight, tight hug. who knows how many of these they are going to get before chaewon becomes the busiest person in the world?

 

she feels tears welling up in her eyes, but she won't let them fall. it's a happy occasion! think: chaewon on music shows, chaewon on national television, chaewon, the idol, chaewon of izone.

 

a grin overrides the brimming tears at the thought of chaewon fulfilling her longtime dream. she hears a whimper, and the familiar sniffle, and pulls her closer to herself.

 

her heart aches at how terrible chaewon must feel, to be debuting in place of kaeun, of miyu, of miho, of herself and sohee, of trainees that she thinks deserve that position more than her. her heart aches, because chaewon is that kind of person- no matter how desperate she was for this, and no matter how hard she tried to play off how much she wanted to debut, she would feel bad about making it. her heart aches, because she knows chaewon deserves it so, so much, and she has nothing to apologise for, and nothing to cry about. that she has worked her hardest, and that she deserves the world. and a selfish part of her heart aches, because this is chaewon, debuting, and yet she's thinking about how long she has to wait before she has her all to herself again.

 

* * *

 

 

chaewon never lets go of her.

 

not until the cameras stop rolling, not until the trainees leave the stage, not even until they've left the compound.

 

* * *

 

 

when she watches izone's debut in her living room a few weeks later, she feels it again. the unbridled joy, and the unresolved, stubborn butterflies.

 

soon, she thinks. _very, very soon._

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> stan izone :) don't sleep on my girls chaewon and suyoon


End file.
